Dear Diary,

How soft if your grass? Does it have a lush velvety feel? Does it look smooth and natural? Does it feel good next to the skin? No, I haven't lost my mind. I have a perfectly good reason for asking these questions.

A few days ago, my mother looked out of the window and saw two little girls pulling up some of the grass in her front yard and put it down their shirts as if they were stuffing a bra. We have no idea why they selected our yard. One of my sisters suggested that maybe our grass looked to be the softest in the neighborhood. Or maybe no one else's grass quite measured up. After all I guess that is can be seen as a compliment. Out of all of the houses in the neighborhood, those two little girls chose to use my Mother's grass to help enhance their appearance. (Okay, it's a stretch, but it makes a good story.)

Unfortunately, the grass must not have been quite as soft of it looked (or else it was ultra-scratchy), because the girls quickly dumped it out. Oh well, I guess its true that looks aren't everything. The grass just couldn't stand up to its billing. Maybe we should post a sign saying something like, "Soft looking grass, but may be itchy to the touch," that way we can't get into trouble for false advertising.

So the next time it becomes necessary to either seed or to re-sod the lawn, don't just think about getting a nice green color. Don't confine the consideration to the grass' potential drought resistance. Try to also get a good "cushy" feel with a minimum of scratchiness. Select a brand that looks natural, but that won't bunch up or clump. Be kind to your neighbors and select a grass that is soft to the touch. Because you never know who will stop by.....