I had gone crazy, I was sure of that. Walking down the street, headed toward the large, towering buildings of Columbia University I began to contemplate my thoughts. The place I had called home ever since I arrived here at the tender age of 15, ready to embark on a new journey and start my freshman year at college. I was so naïve then, I thought college would be good for me. But I proved myself so horribly wrong. So when I graduated at 19, I started to tell myself that law school would be much more rewarding. But as I'm wrapping up my last year at Columbia Law, I begin to realize that this too is draining and excessively unneeded in my life. So without a moment of hesitation, I dropped out. I dropped out on that very same Tuesday. When I went home that night and kicked off my heels, I sat down on the couch. Feeling the fabric slide down underneath me made me feel this sinking feeling in my stomach. Taking it all in, I knew that I had gotten rid of my stable college life and my stable job at a prestigious law firm. I know the first thought that should have crossed my mind was…'You idiot.' But instead…I began to smile and think…now…I'm free.

Alone and bored, I sat in my empty apartment three days later which had been neglected since the very first day I moved in. I had never any time to decorate the place and I had hardly any time to make it anywhere near messy. So it was just bare. And so terribly desolate. The walls were empty and so was my head. There were no thoughts now, no regret, just nothing. I felt alone and betrayed by my own faith. I thought that after I had escaped the barriers of college and jobs, I would find something to do. Something that could keep me content. Something that would make me smile. I was dissatisfied. I was angry. So I picked up and left. I grabbed my keys and shut the door, for who knows how long.

I let the cold New York wind slap onto my face as I walked briskly down the street. They were crowded as usual but now they had become much more special to me. Before I had never been able to enjoy the tall buildings that enveloped New York City and the small shops that sold nothing but 'I love NY' shirts. Before I could not focus on anything but what was laid down before me, I could only see the ground ahead of me and the front of my feet because my shielded vision only allowed me to see all the large things in life. The little details never mattered. But as I stepped out onto the streets of New York City, I begin to realize that there is so much more. The smoke billowing out of the pizza parlors, the shoppers clutching multiple bags, the mothers holding onto their babies for dear life, the business men glancing at their watches every five seconds, the teenagers talking on cell phones, and all of this, this beautiful commotion caused me to crack a tiny smile.

Everything that I had missed out on in life before would be repaired now.

My vision was clearer and I didn't need that little voice in the back of my head telling me what was right or wrong.

I walked around for a bit, not caring about the pain that was coursing through my feet as a result of my high heels I never even bothered to change out of. I had just left the house and slipped those same black heels on again. I was clad in sweatpants, a huge sweater, and a pair of shiny black heels. I looked ridiculous. I didn't care. I never cared much about how much I looked before, so it didn't matter to me now that I was treading along the stuffed streets of the city wearing heels and a jogging outfit. I just kept walking. The sun began to set and I slipped on a pair of sunglasses. I wasn't sure why, but soon I began to feel my reason become assured.

I was crying. Silent tears making their mark on my skin, causing me to raise my head higher in order to keep the tears from spilling out. I used to be emotional, but not so much anymore. And just like that, it had all come back. The tears I had never shed became to fall from my eyes and I silently sighed in relief that I had put on sunglasses. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention. I hated that. I hated being the center of…anything and everything. I was the one who stood purposely behind the frontman, just standing and observing. I never acted upon my deepest most inner thoughts and I let them sit there, collecting dust inside my brain. And all of this, was ticking away like a time bomb ready to explode inside my head.

I began to think about everything. Everything ranging from hot dog vendors to the dirty, slushy streets of the city to all the occurrences in my life. I thought about all of the times I ever cried, laughed, and loved. And then I thought about all the times anyone had ever cried, laughed, or loved for me. Somewhere along the way I lost track of count and somehow the numbers were painfully unbalanced. And then a swoosh of wind blew right through my chest into my heart where I felt this lonely, abandoned feeling. And though this feeling existed throughout my life for quite some time, I only now began to feel it.

It was terrifying at first, to know that now I was truly alone. Before I had school and work to bury myself in, but now, I had nothing. There were no more late night study sessions with just me, my textbook, and multiple cups of hot tea. There were no more company Christmas parties, there were no more semi-annual company potlucks and picnics, there were no more visits to the supply room to steal various things like paperclips, pens, and staplers for my apartment. There was none of that, and I knew there would always be things that would be constant reminders of my past that I had just started to leave behind. So instead of walking around New York City, wallowing in my own self stupidity, I decided to stop being a fool and do something about it. I hailed a cab and I stood by the sidewalk awaiting the small yellow car to pull up.

I climbed in and quietly mumbled my address. The driver simply nodded and we drove in perfect silence. The cab smelled of old cigarette, cheap cologne, and Chinese takeout. I didn't care. I just stared outside and watched the bypassers and a large, sleek limo pass me in a whirlwind. I shrugged and noticed we were almost there. As the cab pulled up to my apartment building, I slipped the driver a twenty, not really caring if I got change back or not. I just slipped out and walked quietly into my building. I stopped momentarily and stared at the parking garage. There, parked at the very end and to the side, was my car. It was a Porsche. I never drove it. It wasn't me. My mother had bought it for me on my 20th birthday. I hated the gifts that merely showed everyone the wealthiness of the family and all of the prestige. I hated that. I didn't want to be known. I didn't want to stand out of the crowd. I shrugged it off and pushed my key into the lock to enter the building.

Upon entering my apartment, I quietly murmured a goodbye and I stared at my belongings, some still in boxes. Closing the door behind me, I went three doors down to my landlady's apartment. She was a sweet, old woman who was hard of hearing and an extreme baker. As a result of this, my apartment was stocked weekly with cakes, cookies, and other baking goods. I smiled and raised my fist up to knock on her small, green door.

She answered on the third knock and smiled brightly at me. "Juliet! Oh dear. How have you been? Did you get my chocolate chip cookies? I left them on your doorstep."

I smiled at the old woman in small red rimmed glasses and matching red sweater. Her hair was a head full of white and her back was slightly hunched over. "Yes I did Mrs. Dreysdale. But I have something to talk about with you."

Her small green eyes furrowed in confusion. I smiled for reassurance and she returned it to me. "Oh heavens, where are my manners? Come in Juliet. We'll talk about this together."

I shyly stepped into the dimly lit apartment and let my smile remain on my lips. "Thank you."

The old woman bent forward and strained her ears. Her brow was bunched up in confusion. "What was that, dear?"

I shifted my weight and raised my tone a bit. "I said, thank you, Mrs. Dreysdale."

The sides of her mouth turned into a grin and she sighed. "How many times have I told you to call me Helen? Call me Helen, sweetheart."

I nodded and she motioned for me to sit down. I took a seat on a small plush loveseat with designs of various orchids and roses on them. I took notice to the homey feeling to the small amount of space and I smiled genuinely. She took notice to this and bent forward slightly on the couch opposite to where I was firmly seated on.

"Now what was that you wanted to talk about, Juliet?"

I simply responded with an "Oh."

"Oh?"

Feeling like an idiot, I opened my mouth to speak once again. "Mrs. Dreysdale…" She shot me a playful look. "I mean, Helen, I have to talk to you about something. Something concerning with this apartment."

"Is there something wrong with it, my dear?"

I turned to speak again. "Oh no, no. It's just that…today I quit school and my job. I feel like I need to run away for a little bit. And I think I need to move away from this place. It's not that I don't love it, it's just that..it's a constant reminder of my life. Or my life I used to live. And…I don't think I can be reminded of that as long as I begin to live a new life." I stared down at my hands and fiddled with my keys.

She simply sat there and finally a concerned look appeared onto her aged, but yet, refreshing face. She spoke with a soft voice and this caused me to look up because Mrs. Dreysdale had always been a bit on the loud side. "Oh my. Juliet, you can't run away from your problems, dear. It may be the easy thing to do, but it will come back to bite you in your little behind, sweetheart."

This caused me to lightly laugh and smile a bit.

"I know. But I can at least try, can't I?"

She was about to say something again, but I could see she decided against it and clamped her mouth shut. Three seconds later she opened it again to say her last words to me. "That you can, dear. And I hope you find some answers."

She gave me one last smile and I said nothing. I just smiled and slightly nodded.

"Oh dear. I'm going to miss you. I never had any children, and good lord, you were the closest thing to it."

That last comment made me snap up from my staring contest with the hardwood floors. I smiled genuinely again and she engulfed me in a small hug.

This would be my last goodbye to my old life. In a one month, I'd be someone new if I wasn't already.

CHAPTER 3