The city lights are ablaze and if for a moment you thought about heaven and solidity, you may have been entranced with the lore of such a place, but settling among these sights were where dreams were dissolved. Depression would do for a normal Hollywood setting, and surely it could have been mistaken for that, but the people were too lively and dead at the same time to think so. The streets were littered with people and the drunken businessmen and the loin-hungry females would trinkle down by early morning. The real harshness of such a neighborhood was known by few and the depression had settled as a typical day.
Surely it had been the same with her. She didn't believe in fairy tales and magic slippers, but perhaps living this way had been close to it. She hadn't seen it as wasting away, she had seen it as living. And this was what life was like for her. She had no other, and no other to tell her otherwise. And so she would pull out her friendly Marlboros, and let herself be taken away to somewhere far. And yet, his voice would always interrupt her. It cut through glass and all of her bullshit. And she hated him for that. She fucking hated him for that. "Where the hell is all this going?" And it began to echo throughout her mind after that. Josh had asked her this a week ago when they sat alone on the steps. And she never answered back because she didn't have an answer to a damned thing. That was the way she lived it, and that was the way she liked it. When he had asked that question to her he had stopped the flow of silence and something was interrupted. She didn't like feeling that way. And so she had turned her head to face him and his face wasn't angry, but childish. She only looked at him briefly and flicked a cigarette butt in the air. She tossed away an empty carton and she opened up a new pack. If he wanted honesty and hell--that was all he ever wanted, then she wouldn't say a thing. She wasn't quite sure where she was now. Her home, if Isabella, Rose, Bella, or whoever the fuck she was even had one, a balcony on some nameless face's place, Josh's? No. She never went to Josh's. Not to Josh's. Josh had these quirky ways of making her feel like she was put under a microscope. And that was what he was doing, putting her under heat, watching her squirm. And fuck it, she knew that this was what he was doing. Hell, she was sure she might even do it as well if the situation ever presented themselves. And what was it that he did? Alter himself into some bloodsucking vampire from god knows when? Ask her for a fucking organ? Ask her to give her life away? No. His one question. She didn't even know where to go from there. Being out of her own control was not something she was used to and she hated it. She hated him for putting her under examination or something like that. And she had scratched the walls, the surfaces, and she'd come back with nothing. She hadn't scraped into some deep thought or any mind altering decision. So she lit it up and inhaled. And that was it. |